FNN Report: Jets Sign a Sumo Wrestler

FNN banner


Faux News Network sports reporter, Jock Strapper, filed this report from New York City today. The New York Jets announce they have signed a sumo wrestler from Japan.

The 5-10, 400 pound Hochi Tokamuchi will play nose guard in the Jets 3-4 defense. The Director of Player Personnel said that Tokamuchi will redefine the position depsite never having played football or even seen a game. “The offensive linemen will not be able to move the sumo wrestler off the line and so the running game will be disrupted making the offensive play calling more limited. That’s what Hochi brings to the team.” Tokamuchi has been described as a complete athlete and has been timed in a five yard dash in under 3.9 seconds.

Terms of the contract have not been announced, but it is believed to be a multi-year contract calling for multi-million dollar payments.

In other Jets news, the team announced they have made an offer to Tim Tebow to come back to the team as the starting left outside linbacker. “Tim would be great as a linebacker,” one of his former teammates said.

Strapper will continue to monitor these breaking stores and file more reports.